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Our First Day Without Jose

Jose returned to work today. I have to admit I'd been dreading this day for awhile, but somehow I managed to survive. It wasn't a productive day. Like, at all. But I survived.

Holden and I were up to get Aurora ready for school and my brother came over and got Aurora on the bus. Holden and I were able to fall back asleep for a few hours, which was nice. Once we were awake, it was pretty much a Netflix and hang out type of day with Holden's feedings and diaper changes in between and then me choosing whether I wanted to eat, pee, pump, or sleep with Holden in between. A little after 3 pm, we went to get Aurora off the bus and then we came home and resumed our television-watching festivities.

I'm totally okay if this is what the rest of the summer looks like, but I definitely have to laugh at one-month-ago-Jenna who thought she'd have time to do all the things this summer.

I did, however, manage to get a few photos of our exciting day...

My son, Holden, was born with Pierre Robin Sequence (PRS) | jennafromtheblog.com
My son, Holden, was born with Pierre Robin Sequence (PRS) | jennafromtheblog.com
Gosh, I love this little dude.
My son, Holden, was born with Pierre Robin Sequence (PRS) | jennafromtheblog.com
My son, Holden, was born with Pierre Robin Sequence (PRS) | jennafromtheblog.com
There was definitely lots of napping.
Zoey missed Aurora so much she was snuggling with her slipper.
Aurora is the very best big sister!

That's all for now! XO

Redeeming Ourselves

Today we got to redeem ourselves as parents after the forgotten birthday treat fiasco that happened last Friday. We took cupcakes to Aurora's school and had lunch with her, with little brother in tow. She was so excited to see us and show Holden off to her friends. I don't have any pictures from this, but I really felt the need to post it so when Aurora gets older and tries to tell us we're crappy parents, I can be all, "Actually, on Tuesday, May 30th, 2017, we were damn good parents!... You're grounded!" :)

Side note: Jose goes back to work tomorrow and I might just be completely dreading it. He's been off since Holden was born, so we've been able to tag-team everything. Now I'll be solo. Wish me luck!

Holden's First (Non-Routine) Doctor Appointment

Life sure has gotten pretty interesting around here lately. 

Let me start from the beginning. As I mentioned in my last post, Holden was born with some “special features” – a cleft palate and a recessed chin. When I had my 20 week ultrasound back in January, they mentioned that he appeared to have a slightly recessed chin. The doctor didn’t mention any issues that might be associated with this, aside from it being a cosmetic concern. We went in for a second ultrasound a month later and they ruled out the recessed chin, saying it was likely just him moving his lips, or possibly yawning. Looking back, I’m glad they ruled it out then. There wouldn’t have really been anything we could’ve done at that point to better prepare ourselves, and I would’ve had major anxiety up until his delivery, which likely would’ve caused more problems. When Holden came out and I got to hold him, I was in Heaven. He was so perfect. (When Aurora was born, she pooped right away, so the doctors took her away and it was probably a good hour before I got to hold her. So getting to hold Holden right away was amazing.) It wasn’t until a nurse was checking his vitals, etc. a while later that anyone realized he had a cleft palate. (When you look at the top of his mouth, there’s nothing there and you can see, literally, up into his nose.) I think it was discovering he had a cleft palate that even got me thinking about his ultrasound. I had honestly forgot about it up until then. I remember glancing at his chin at some point, recalling that it was supposed to have been an issue, but it really didn’t look any different to me. That’s how unnoticeable it was. I think eventually I heard one of the nurses mention to another nurse that his chin appeared to be recessed, so that’s the first time I realized that maybe it was, in fact, an issue. It was also mentioned that his tongue was set farther back and the doctor that saw him while he was in the hospital mentioned something called Pierre Robin Sequence. She didn’t diagnose him, but said that some of the issues he had could be a sign of that. We left the hospital last Saturday with one Pigeon nipple to feed him with and a scheduled appointment with his pediatrician for this past Monday.

Wednesday and Thursday of this past week were pretty rough sleep-wise for him (and us). At this point, we’d still been instructed to lay him on his back when he slept. This absolutely terrified us because, pretty much the second we’d lay him down, he sounded as if he were choking on his tongue. I thought that could’ve very well been the case, since his tongue was set farther back. Turns out choking on his tongue was not the issue, but rather that it was blocking his airway so he couldn’t breathe when he was on his back. Thankfully, Jose's and my parental instincts kicked in and we both slept with Holden on our chests. I know, I know. Huge no-no. However, at that point, we’d heard that laying them on their tummies caused SIDS, laying him on his back terrified us, but whenever he slept on us he was at peace. And that was all that mattered to us. 

Jose called Holden’s pediatrician on Thursday and she happened to be out of the office. We just saw her this past Monday for his regular follow-up appointment and knew she was going to be referring us to Riley Children’s Hospital, but we didn’t have an appointment time yet. My mother-in-law made us an appointment with an ENT (Ear, Nose, and Throat) doctor that she used to work with for yesterday (Friday), so we could hopefully get some answers.

This was Holden's first non-routine doctor appointment.

We took a trip down to Noblesville to meet with the ENT doctor to hopefully get some answers on what's going on with our little man. We were fortunate enough that Holden slept the whole way there and the whole way back. I'm so glad we made this trip because two things came out of it. One, we got affirmation from the doctor that Holden is, in fact, an exception to the "No Tummy Sleeping" rule. And two, the doctor we met with used to work at Riley, so he gave us a lot of information on Holden's condition and he was also able to tell us what he thought the doctors at Riley would likely do to correct things.

He told us he was almost positive that Holden does have Pierre Robin (pronounced Roban) Sequence (PRS), which is what the first doctor at the hospital mentioned. Basically, there are a lot of things that can be associated with PRS but, as far as we know, he just has the recessed tongue and chin and a cleft palate. He said what likely happened was, when Holden was in utero, his tongue stuck straight up rather than straight out, so the roof of his mouth closed around his tongue, causing his cleft palate. Also, since his tongue was up and not out, it wasn't pushing his chin forward while he was forming, as it should have. This caused his chin to be recessed and his tongue to stay put instead of also growing outward. This is why he's not able to sleep on his back - his tongue falls back and blocks his airway. This made perfect sense to us because, even when we'd lay him on his back to change his diaper or anything while he was awake, he'd start to cry. Poor baby couldn't breathe. The doctor then explained that what would likely be done is a mandible advancement surgery to push Holden's jaw forward, which would also bring his tongue forward, opening up his airway. To do this, they would literally cut his jaw on both sides and insert a device that, with a daily turn of a screw, will slowly move his jaw forward. (The same effect an expander has on your teeth when you have to get braces.) He said the screws would be temporary, but that he'd look like a little baby Frankenstein in the meantime, with little pins coming out of his head. After the mandible advancement surgery, he said they'll likely do another surgery to close his palate. This will involve them using excess tissue from inside his mouth and stitching it together to form a palate. After these two procedures, he will probably need some speech therapy but then he'll be "normal."

While it's definitely promising knowing that Holden's issues can all be corrected, it's also super overwhelming to think that such a little body will have to endure so much. Of course I left the office crying... again.

On top of that, once we got home, a sleep apnea monitor was delivered to our house. Holden's pediatrician had put in an order for it and, as the guy was going over the instructions on how to use it and having me sign the paperwork, I broke down... again. Everything is just so overwhelming at this point. Also, I think it's safe to say I definitely still have some postpartum emotions going on.

As if that weren't enough, when we got home, Aurora had a little cake-shaped card from school that had her birth date written on it, sitting on the kitchen table. My parents were over and asked what it was for. Jose and I immediately exchanged "Oh !@#$!" glances from across the room. A few weeks back, her teacher sent a note home, saying they would be celebrating all the summer birthdays during the month of May. Parents were to pick a date that worked for them to send in a treat for their child's birthday. Of course, when I sent in the paper, I was thinking that a week after Holden's due date would be just fine... so I picked May 26th. Guess who forgot to send in a birthday treat on May 26th? We both looked at Aurora and, before either of us could even say anything, she started saying, "It's fine. It's fine. Don't even worry about it." and then she burst into tears. I. Felt. Awful. My whole plan to never let things with the new baby negatively impact the first child had completely derailed. When Jose emailed her teacher later to see if we'd be able to bring treats in the day after Memorial Day, her teacher responded, saying that was fine and that "Aurora was a trooper and told me that it was busy at your house with the new baby and all. We sang to her and she was happy. Aurora is a sweet little girl!" Oh. My. Heart. 

So today was rough. And I'm sure we have some rough days ahead. But I'm so very grateful that we live in a time with so much knowledge and medical technology available and that we even have the option of fixing these things. Thank you so much for all of the continued prayers and words of love, encouragement, and support. While not always responded to, they are noticed and so much appreciated. 

Seven Days with Holden

My son, Holden, was born with Pierre Robin Sequence (PRS) | jennafromtheblog.com
It's hard to believe our little boy is already a week old! We just love him so very much and the past week has brought so much joy to our family that we never even knew we were missing.

Holden is seriously the sweetest, most laid-back little guy. He only cries when he's hungry or needs changed and then he drifts back off to sleep. The boy can definitely eat and has already earned the nickname Hungry Hungry Holden (given by yours truly). Sometimes (tonight especially), he'll just look around the room, like he's just taking it all in. So much of what he does reminds me of when Aurora was that little and then she'll walk in the room and I'm quickly reminded of how fast time really does fly. And then I usually cry because I'm all hormonal right now.

Our sweet little guy also came to us with a few "special features." He has a slightly recessed chin and a cleft palate. The first couple of days were a little rough, as his cleft palate brought about some issues with feeding him, but we had the most amazing doctor and nurses working with us to find the right bottle and now we can't get the little guy to stop eating! (For anyone wondering, we started off using the Haberman Feeder, which worked well, but then the doctor introduced us to the Pigeon nipple and it works even better.) We did end up spending an extra night in the hospital so they could keep an eye on his eating and oxygen, as sometimes a cleft palate can cause issues with those, but he did just fine and we couldn't wait to bust outta there come Saturday afternoon. Seriously, the least comfortable beds either Jose or I had ever slept on in our lives. Plus we missed spending the nights with Aurora and were just so eager to get home and spend our first night together as a family of four.

By Sunday, we were starting to get a little stir crazy from being confined to a hospital room the three days prior and then the house, so we ventured out for a quick Target run to get a few things we needed. Our "quick Target run" turned into a 3-hour trip, which included three diaper changes and feeding Holden on one of the tables in the Target cafe area. #toosoon

Monday and Tuesday were both a little rough.

On Monday, we took Holden in for his first doctor appointment and he actually had a really good report since his weight was right where it needed it be. However, talking to the doctor about some of the surgeries that he'll likely have to undergo in the future got the better of me and I walked out of there in tears. I spent the rest of the day in a postpartum depression/anxiety-type state. I never thought I had postpartum depression with Aurora but I'm starting to think that I did. I always thought postpartum depression was more like not wanting to be with your baby or have anything to do with them and that was never the case. I remember feeling emptiness/numbness, even though my heart was so full. I remember constantly worrying about every little thing that could possibly harm her. I remember feeling like I was simply going through the motions of my "new normal" and that I wasn't good enough to be her mom. I've had those same feelings with Holden, but have read those are all signs of postpartum depression as well. The good thing is that I know eventually those feelings will go away and, in the meantime, they kind of come and go so I'm trying to make the most of when they're not there.

Tuesday was rough, mostly because it was just one of those days where it seemed that anything that could go wrong, did. Our water heater went out, so Jose was gone most of the morning picking out a new one and making arrangements to have it installed that same day, so we wouldn't have to be without. Then, part of the Pigeon nipple we use to feed Holden was wearing out (already!), so Jose was calling and running all over town trying to get ahold of a new one. It was emotionally overwhelming for me, but probably way more overwhelming for him. Either way, by about 3:00 in the afternoon, a new water heater had been installed and he'd finally been able to get ahold of some new Pigeon nipples for Holden's bottles, so we were back in business.

But today was a good day. Our little man is a week old. We got a few things done around the house, made another attempt to get out of the house, and now we're back at home binge-watching Friends on Netflix. Both kiddos are asleep. Life is good. Crazy at times, but good, and there are no other humans I would rather be on this journey with than my little family of four.

I should also mention how grateful we are to both our families. I feel like I say this all the time, but we really have the very best support system because of them and life would be twenty million times crazier if we didn't have our families keeping us sane. Also, my heart is overflowing by the love and support we've received from other family, friends, and co-workers... kind words, overwhelming generosity, random texts, messages, and emails from people "just checking in"... it all means so much... Okay, I'm a hormonal mess now, so I'm signing off. Xo

Welcome to the World, Holden Gene!

Holden Gene (after my grandpa) Rangel arrived at 8:06 a.m. today, weighing in at 8 lbs., 7 oz. and 21 in. long! He is just the sweetest little boy and we are completely smitten by him! (Even big sis who has had off/on feelings of excitement and fear of the unknown.) Baby boy, we are so in love with you!

My son, Holden, was born with Pierre Robin Sequence (PRS) | jennafromtheblog.com
My son, Holden, was born with Pierre Robin Sequence (PRS) | jennafromtheblog.com
My son, Holden, was born with Pierre Robin Sequence (PRS) | jennafromtheblog.com

39 Weeks

39 Weeks -- Baby is the size of a watermelon! | jennafromtheblog.com

How far along? 39 weeks
Maternity clothes: Maternity clothes + comfies Jose's comfies
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Sleep has been pretty good, but I've been waking up each morning sad that the baby hasn't come yet, lol.
Best moment this week: Mother's Day, of course! Spent the day cooking out with family, enjoying the beautiful weather, and we even went up to the beach for dinner and ice cream! We actually went up to watch the sunset, but it was pretty cold, so we headed back early. Honestly, I've never been much of a beach during the day person. I prefer to go in the late afternoon or early evening when it's cooler. I see that happening a lot this summer when baby comes!
Miss anything? Other than certain foods, I'm just ready for this little dude to be here so we can see what a family of 4 feels like!
Movement: So. Much. Movement!
Food cravings? Still fighting off sweets!
Anything make you queasy or sick? Not lately!
Gender: Boy
Labor signs: I really feel like he could come any minute now. Honestly, I was pretty much banking on him coming over the weekend, so going into work tomorrow will be a little rough. I think Jose's feeling the same way. I'm ready for three months off with my babies!!!
Belly button in or out? Out
Wedding rings on or off? Off! I can still get them on, but it's definitely uncomfortable. 
Mood most of the time: Still feeling pretty good!
Looking forward to: Meeting this sweet baby boy!
Total weight gain: ~50 lbs. This baby is not messing around.

37 & 38 Weeks

37 Weeks -- Baby is the size of a swiss chard! | jennafromtheblog.com
38 Weeks -- Baby is the size of a leek! | jennafromtheblog.com
These pictures were actually taken a day apart (but still technically in my 37th & 38th weeks), because I completely spaced doing one last week. #pregnancybrain

How far along? 38 weeks
Maternity clothes: Maternity clothes + comfies Jose's comfies
Stretch marks? No
Sleep: Sleep has been good!
Best moment this week: Date night on Friday and we had our BaBy Q (baby shower) yesterday! (Pix of both are below.) Family + friends who become family + food... There really is no better combination! Whenever we have get-togethers with the ones we love, we are always reminded of how lucky we are. We seriously have some of the most amazing people in our lives. It's so easy to get caught up in our day-to-day schedules and sometimes it feels like forever since we see certain people, but then we get together with them and it feels like we pick up right where we left off... Love it. Also, I'm not sure if it's just because our weekend has been so busy or what, but I feel like this is the first time in 9 months that I've felt "normal." I definitely still feel the aches and pains of pregnancy, but I feel like this is the most energy I've had in a while. Jose has pretty much been a one-man show getting things done around here, but I actually had energy to set up yesterday, clean up, and I even cleaned out my car today and did some cleaning around the house. I think I'm finally nesting! Woohoo!
Miss anything? At this point, it's mostly food related. I miss lunch meat. I miss sushi. I do also miss laying in whatever position I feel like. Right now I'm pretty much limited to on my back or on my left side. Anything else is uncomfortable.
Movement: So much movement. I just cannot wait to meet this little guy!
Food cravings? Still fighting off sweets!
Anything make you queasy or sick? Not lately!
Gender: Boy
Labor signs: Not being able to get comfortable [laying, sitting, standing, you name it], Braxton Hicks contractions, Charley horse cramps
Belly button in or out? Out
Wedding rings on or off? Off! I can still get them on, but it's definitely uncomfortable. 
Mood most of the time: Definitely starting to feel more like myself! We're getting so close, I hope it stays that way!
Looking forward to: Meeting this sweet baby boy!
Total weight gain: ~43 lbs.

Date night with this handsome dude!

Baby Boy Shower Decor | jennafromtheblog.com
BaBy Q!
Baby Boy Shower Decor | jennafromtheblog.com
A few people have asked me about the flower wall... It was a super easy (somewhat time-consuming, but easy) Pinterest DIY. I just bought some fake flower bouquets from Hobby Lobby and Micheal's, cut them into individual flowers, then hot glued the stem of each onto the next flower. We hung them with Command hooks and fishing line... easy peasy! I think we're going to hang them in the guest bedroom!

And, of course, I totally forgot to get a family picture at our shower, so we did a morning after shot before heading to the dog park this morning. This is more the reality of what we look like 90% of the time anyway, lol.