To be honest, 2021 was the best year I’ve had in awhile. Obviously some great things have come from previous years that were major highlights in my life, but I’ve felt a sense of peace in 2021 that I hadn’t felt in a really long time.
I feel like I finally (after almost a full decade) am getting a grip on my social anxiety which is something that has, essentially, run my life. It's definitely not gone and I don't think it ever will go away completely. I'm learning that it's actually something that more people deal with than you might think. But I'm very in tune with what types of situations tend to intensify it and, rather than avoid those situations altogether, I've found that it actually helps more to try and put myself out there and get through them and learn how to manage it better. I really do enjoy getting to know people and connecting with them on a more personal level. Kinda wanna be everyone's BFF. But I think it mostly comes down to being overstimulated and overthinking things and, one thing I read somewhere that has helped a lot is, to stop thinking so much about myself and what others are thinking of me, how they're probably judging me, etc. in those situations and focus more on them and their needs and listening (listening to truly hear them, rather than listening to respond) and giving them my full attention. I feel like I've been able to walk away from way fewer conversations thinking, "Well, that didn't go well."
I quit my job this year. You guys, I have wanted to quit working my office job pretty much since I started it. Not that it was a bad job at all. Quite the opposite, actually, which made it an even tougher decision to make. There were so many times I would switch gears and think, "Oh I could totally do this for the rest of my life!" but, in the end, it always came down to, "Okay, but if I could do anything at all, it would be to work on my blog stuff." The thing is, I wanted to be a "blogger" (I put it in " " because the meaning of that word has changed drastically since blogging was first a thing.) since before people were actually getting paid to do it. And, of course, that part of me that always played it safe would talk myself out of it because "it doesn't pay the bills." Do you know how hard it was to sit back and watch other people living out my dream for so long? And no, this girl does not dream of being some rich and famous Instagram superstar. I'm just trying to make doing what I enjoy something that could contribute to our family's income so that I can continue to do it. I'm a big believer that, if you have a dream in your heart that you literally can't even pray away if you tried, then God put it there for a reason. Since I've been able to work on my blog full time, I'm not even sure that's where God's end goal for me is, but I do believe he wants me here now.
See, at the beginning of 2021, I started making my relationship with God a priority. I've always considered myself to be a Christian, but I knew there was still room for growth in my faith. One of my 2021 New Year's resolutions (or goals or whatever you want to call it) was to start prioritizing my "me time." I wake up, enjoy some peace and quiet before the kids are up, drink my coffee and pray. Sometimes I'll read a devotional and other times, I'll literally just sit and pray and chat with God the whole time. I started being really intentional when I prayed about things. As the desire to quit my job grew into more of a "I'm not going to be happy until I do it" kinda thought, rather than the usual, "One day..." kinda thought, I begged God to just give me the courage to do it, give me all the signs that that was the right move, or just take this dream away from me and allow me to be happy with where I was at. I truly believe I saw all the signs once I started praying this. I stopped working the end of July and I can honestly say, God has made this move work for us and I've seen Him show up in so many ways. I am slowly starting to see this hobby turn into more of a business (something I honestly never felt I deserved before) and I truly feel like this was the move I was supposed to make. Please don't take away from this that you should just up and quit your job. While it may seem like that is what I did, just know that there were years and years of emotional work, frustration from trying to work on it part time in between a FT job and raising three kids, and a lot of prayer - like, SO. much. prayer. - that went into this decision. And, if we're being honest, I'm only 6 months into this and still don't know if it's even going to work out how I planned. (Gosh, I really hope I don't read this post 5 years from now and think, "Well that didn't age well." 😂)
Side note: Another big part of me leaving my job was to spend more time with the kids, but that obviously isn't the only reason. I want to be able to still be very present in their lives and doing that with one job is manageable for me. Trying to fit this in with a FT job would've meant missing out on time with them and that's not something I am willing to sacrifice. Not at all saying that people who do that are making a wrong decision. There are a few bloggers I know of with a much larger following, who also have kids and another job and they're able to juggle all of that. But I know for me to do all that, time with the kids would be sacrificed and I would personally rather lose out on the extra money.
I 100% believe the changes I saw this past year are a fruit of my growing relationship with God and just an overall desire to live out His purpose for me - whatever that is. Aside from my "me time" in the mornings, we found a church that we almost immediately felt a connection with (another prayer answered, because we'd "church shopped" a tiny bit before COVID and then obviously weren't able to go for a while in 2020) and it is honestly everything I'd hoped we'd find in a church and so much more. I'm now part of a small group with other moms. And we've started reading from the Bible, and are understanding it more than I know I ever did. (Helpful hint: If you've tried and failed miserably at reading the Bible from front to back, as I did several times, try starting with John. That's worked well for us so far!) I'm so looking forward to growing even more in this aspect in 2022.
As for 2022... I really just want to see continued growth where I saw it in 2021. I want to continue to grow in my faith and understanding what God really wants for me, not just what I want for myself. Obviously, I hope to see growth in my business and, to do that, I've been praying a ton lately for clarity on just what to focus on when. There is so much work that goes into trying to come up with content that is original, creating that content, and then even linking and posting it takes a lot of time. It's so fun though! And I know I'll get a routine going, but figuring out what that is definitely takes time. I'm praying that I get a grip on what tools and resources are the best to do all of this more efficiently. (There are so many out there these days!)
There are always a lot of other things I want to improve on - the usual eating better, working out, etc. and what I did for these things last year was, rather than expect myself to do them all right off the bat in January, I tried to build a new habit into my routine each month. The first few months are the higher priority ones, so for this year I'm starting a new skincare routine in January, planning to workout more consistently in February, and eating better in March. I will still do my best to do the other things starting in January, too, but the one thing I try not to let fall to the wayside is that month's new habit, so skincare for January.
Also, I know it's kinda become a thing to come up with one word for the year that you want to focus on. It's kinda cheesy, but I also feel like if you constantly have a single word on your mind, you're probably more likely to think of it often, right? So, for me, I'm going with DISCIPLINE. I really believe this is one of the biggest things holding me back right now. When I worked in an office, I was an Administrative Assistant and it was literally my job to schedule things. I could probably teach a class on how to use Google Calendar. I have a calendar for everything! A personal calendar with anything we have going on - the kids' appointments, school activities, etc. Each kid and Jose each have their own calendar. I have meal plan and workout calendars. I time-block every last thing. But where I fail - BIG TIME - is the follow through. I really struggle with actually sticking to my calendar and staying on-task and just really making my calendar my boss. There are times when I know I'm doing something off-task and I need to have the discipline to stop and redirect myself to what I should actually be doing. The same goes with not working out, eating right, etc. I actually eat pretty healthy, believe it or not, but it's the snacking in between that gets me. Practicing having more discipline would be a game-changer, I think.
If you're still with me, I would love to hear what you're working on this year! What goals have you set for yourself or what tips do you have on trying to stick with things!? (If any. Please know I'm also a huge fan of just taking care of yourself first and if that means ditching the new year goals all together this year, I'm totally here for that too! [Not that you need my permission or support, but I got you if you do!] I say this especially for any of you moms - AND dads - out there that have a baby under one or young kids or whatever. Those first years were the most amazing, but also the very hardest years for me and I didn't need the extra burden of setting high expectations for myself when I could barely keep my head above water where I was at.)
Regardless of what it means to you, let's make this our best year yet!!
Love ya friends!
