Office Politics

I want to take a break from all things baby today to discuss a completely different subject: office politics. I'm not talking about your typical shmoozing to build yourself up within an organization. I'm talking about proper office etiquette when it comes to leftover food in the office kitchen. You know, the items that require immediate attention.

It all started yesterday afternoon when a co-worker so generously brought in two boxes of Girl Scout cookies for the office to share (One Shortbread and one Thin Mint to be exact). This was at approximately 1:05 p.m. Now, being that I just purchased five boxes over the weekend for myself, I decided, I'm gonna wait this one out. I'm going to give everyone else a chance to get theirs and then, if there's any left, maybe I'll take one of each.

You guys. I kid you not, FIVE minutes went by. Nothing. [It should also be noted that my desk is located directly across from, and the closest to, the kitchen so I am able to observe all of this by a slight swivel of my chair.] But seriously, not one dabbler. Not one little peek inside. Nothing. So, naturally, I casually wander my way into the kitchen. [Seriously, it's like 9 steps. Too bad I didn't have a Fitbit recording all that action.] I peek inside and, just as I suspected, not one of them had been touched. One of each, that's the plan. I mean, I don't want this guy's feelings to be hurt that no one touched his Girl Scout cookies. Well, no one has even bothered though. Three of each wouldn't hurt. There are still more than enough left for everyone else. I take three of each and back to my desk I go.

Work takes place.

At approximately 2:42 p.m., my tastes buds have a hankering for more cookies. No! You can NOT! I will not allow it! Three of each was more than enough! 

2:48 p.m. rolls around. I'm just hungry, I thought. I'll eat something healthy. But I'm going to be good and wait it out until 3. 

2:59 p.m. rolls around. Close enough. I wander into the kitchen to grab one of my bags of veggies from the refrigerator. I open the door and hear a noise. It's like the Tell-Tale Heart all over again but, instead of coming from the floorboards, it's coming from those two little boxes of yummy goodness sitting on the counter. I'll just take a peek. That is all. Just a peek! I'm just curious if anyone else has eaten any. That's all! And I really can't stand the thought of this poor man's hurt feelings when he sees that no one took any cookies! NONE! Not a one of them had been touched! Well, since my last endeavor, of course. Three more of each and I'm done. I'm awful for taking three more (of each), but I'm pregnant. People will totally understand. Back to my desk I go... shamefully.

Fast forward to 10:00 a.m. this morning. The Thin Mints are gone, but there's still Shortbreads. It's a new day. I'm going to wait until after lunch. If there's still cookies, I'll reassess the situation... Well, I'll just take a little peek to see what we're working with here. One whole sleeve, plus another sleeve with just four cookies in it. Okay, no one will even notice if I take the sleeve with four cookies in it. Back to my desk I go.

Work takes place. Lunch takes place. I'm stuffed. I will have no problem holding off on those cookies. 

At approximately 1:30 p.m., another co-worker carries two bags into the kitchen and announces that they're extra lunches from a meeting they had. Up for grabs! I'm already the office cookie monster, there's no way I'm touching those lunches. 5 minutes goes by. I'm just going to see what these lunches even are. Two types of lunch meat sandwiches. I can't even have lunch meat. Problem solved. Back to my desk I go.

Approximately 1:50 p.m. Oh, but I bet there's chips in each of those bags. I could just take a bag of chips. I sit for a few minutes and ponder whether or not it's appropriate to open the lunch bag and just take a portion of the lunch. It's Au Bon Pain and their sea salt & vinegar chips are to die for! I bet that's what's in there. Sea salt & vinegar chips. My mouth literally starts watering at the thought of sea salt & vinegar chips. Seriously, everyone returned from lunch almost an hour ago and no one has touched those bags. I'm taking some chips. I wander into the kitchen. [Seriously so disappointed that all these steps are not accounted for.] I immediately notice that one bag has disappeared. The other has been placed in the fridge. See, someone else thought it had been too long too, so they put it away. When this happens in the office, it basically means no one's touching that lunch. Now I don't even feel guilty about this! I gently tear the sticker off the brown paper bag, anticipating those salty, delicious chips dissolving on my taste buds when... WTF! It's pretzels!!! By now my emotions are swirling, as I try to wrap my mind around what just happened. Pretzels are gross. Why would they do that to us? How could this be happening to me right now? 

I take the stupid bag of pretzels, along with 3 more Shortbread cookies [Don't judge me, I earned them.] and quietly return to my desk.

Yes, that's right. I ate those nasty pretzels. Because that' what pregnant chicks do.