Not to get off on a tangent, but to get off on a tangent (It's what I do. Welcome to my blog.)... some of y'all know my history with work/life balance. But to recap: when I just had Aurora, all I wanted in this world was to be able to to stay home with her. Even part-time would've been amazing. But I just did not see how our financials could support that. Working was such a struggle when I just had her because my heart was just not in it, no matter how great the job. Fast-forward to when Holden was born. Because of all his medical issues, cutting back my hours was not really a want anymore, but something that had to happen. I left a really good position to go part-time. Well, that part-time position turned out to be pretty good too. And the part-time work/life balance was perfect and exactly what we needed at the time. Enter Silas, hahaha. Turns out God wanted to show me what I was really made of. And it was not being a SAHM! 😂 Seriously, I BOW DOWN to you mamas of three or more who have the patience to be at home with your babies all day, every day. I love my babies SO. FREAKING. MUCH. but I am a much better mom to them when I'm working full time. So, last fall, I went back to work full time. Most of you know, I legit LOVE my job. I have a completely different mindset and am finally fully present when I'm at work and fully present when I'm at home. Finally got that work/life balance I've been searching for. Now you're caught up.
Enter Quarantine 2020, lol. I have my little "office" set up in a corner in our bedroom and my mom is AMAZING and still comes over to hang with the kids. Great, right? Well, turns out being in the same corner of the same room all day and then sleeping in that same room all night, it's actually SUPER hard to focus. Add in the loud noises coming from the floor below, the occasional mouthing off to Grandma that you feel the need to constantly intervene with and the 20 million "I jus need ONE more kiss" requests from a certain little 3 year old and well, quarantine can have ya like...
I may or may not have actually reached that part of quarantine at one point.
But then, of course, you have all the good that quarantine has brought us which, in my opinion, definitely outweighs the bad.
Extra family time. Being off work right when you're off work, instead of the 20-30 min drive home. The funny Zoom memes because, God knows they're true. The togetherness we were all starting to feel (ya know, back before it got all political again). The fun carryout specials (pizza making kits)! Seeing your loved ones for a split second, from 6 ft away. Finally hugging your loved ones after not seeing them for so long. Having full access to your kitchen at all hours of the day (okay, so maybe this one is a double-edged sword?). All the walks we've taken and Holden's and my new tradition of early morning walks, talking about our days. ICE CREAM (If you know, you know. DQ Blizzard BOGO was my jam and how we really survived those first couple months!) Finally having more time to work on my blog! All the new recipes we tried. And the pounds we gained from them--more to love! And just, s l o w i n g down. Coming off of being stuck inside from winter, and then having to stay inside even longer, I think most of us were just itching to get out into the world again. But before that, we had to get creative. We found things to do. Some people learned some new skills/Tik Tok moves (not me! Lol). But for me, it made me realize that it's okay to not always have a jam-packed schedule. It's okay to spend your afternoon in a lawn chair, while your kids play in their water table or 4-ft pool all day.
Another thing Quarantine has helped me with personally is my anxiety. I've started so many posts on this topic. They usually end up being super long and then I don't like the way they sound or feel like they don't get the point across, so they just sit there unpublished. But I've had anxiety for years that has gotten worse and worse as I've gotten older. I've gotten to where I don't enjoy talking to or being around people anymore because I just feel awkward and uncomfortable and I feel like it shows, so then that makes me even more uncomfortable and, well, it's gotten pretty bad in recent years. Being like that for so long, you start to classify yourself as "Not a people person" or start thinking that you're just some weirdo that people don't like. And then the thoughts spiral from there. If you're an over-thinker (🙋), it can be pretty self-destructive. Quarantine has made me realize how much I do really enjoy being around people. Even if I don't always have a lot to say and the conversation still flows a little wonky lol, I genuinely enjoy the presence of others. I'm learning to push through awkward silences (those are when I usually get weird and start to ramble!) and accept them for what they are and not take it as I'm just weird and hard to talk to. (Hello! Awkward silences happen between more than one person. We're both being equally awkward.) This might not make any sense to some of you, but if this is something you struggle with, you know exactly what I'm talking about. The funny thing is, 90% of the time you feel like you're being weird, everyone else is too worried about how they're doing and not noticing you at all. Soooo many times, Jose and I will be walking away from a group of neighbors or friends or whatever and I'll ask him, "was I weird?" and he'll be like, "not at all." (He's totally honest with me if he can tell I'm uncomfortable because he knows it's something I'm trying to work on.)
Anyway, this post has started to sound like all the super long posts I've written, so I'll leave it at that, but I'm definitely willing to go more in depth if others struggle with this too. The point I was trying to make is that not being able to talk to people for so long has made me appreciate them more and has made me want to push myself harder to get to know them. So, if Quarantine has helped me start to get over one of the more debilitating things I've dealt with in my life, I'm cool with that. #growthyall
No comments:
Post a Comment